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XXXTENTACION: Train Food Meaning


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Song Released: 2018

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Train Food Lyrics

I remember I had walked home that day
Content with all my misery
Told my self it'd get better, no clue what there was next to me
Remember there was people, walkin', talkin' in the distance
I was dressed for winter weather
But the summer rays...


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    May 11th, 2019 5:08pm report

    I was tripping Lsd one night. I had waited the traditional two weeks in between doses and I was a “fresh canvas” so I like to call it. I had just gotten off work and I had planned to trip with a friend who I wasn’t really comfortable with in the first place. In fact, looking back I had no business opening these “gateways” with this person. After all he was a scorpio, same as I.
    I guess I was so excited to trip with my homie, that I totally rushed through my day without stopping to enjoy it. I get over to his house, and we chat a bit, smoke a little weed and drop. This is where things took a hellish turn. I had started getting uncomfortable while sitting in his room. just sitting there waiting for the two hour mark of my trip to smoke my gas blunt as usual. watching some movie that was okay, but if I would’ve had a say, I probably wouldn’t have picked it.
    I stood up halfway through the movie and said something to the effect of, “you ready to smoke this blunt?”
    We then migrated outside. At this point the sky and the trees are coming apart at their very seems. I stayed quiet while I hit the blunt with them and mostly let them talk. I stayed relevant to my own little world. I could hear him saying something to her about how the dogs really liked him at some point in time in his life or another. I wasn’t really keeping up with what the hell he said. but I would pick up on bits and pieces, right? wasn’t my conversation to be keeping up with. I was happy tuning out into what was going on in front of me. but I couldn’t help but get this feeling that this nigga was making fun of me right in front of me but hiding it in the delivery of his communication. I started to get uncomfortable, and the natural order of things sent the girl he was fucking home.
    At this point we had been talking about a walk around the neighborhood. And I figured now would be as good a time as any. We both wanted to walk around memory lane I suppose. We both had grew up in that neighborhood. Well, we start walking and I can’t remember what we were talking about, but we got to the street that leads me back home. All of sudden I become hyper aware of everything. I just felt something very familiar. And it was death.
    “This guy right here would sell drugs to my friends.” He said as we walked past a house on his street. and I listened to him recall how he witnessed all of this growing up and stayed off of drugs. I saw a reflection of myself. I had witnessed similar struggles due to drug abuse in both my family and my community in general. However, in comparison I’d allowed myself to Indulge in these drugs many many times. and each time I further disconnected myself from Me and my purpose. I immediately said “No!” And I cant remember if he said it out loud or whether he just communicated it non verbally, but I interpreted a “you know exactly what’s going on.” or maybe a “you know exactly where you are.”
    I Immediately panicked. this person was no a longer a friend that I could rely on to reassure me. instead this was someone who I viewed as an old friend from the past. I even did so in the present moment. looking at him this way It seemed that I was getting a lot of negative feedback about the way he remembered things about when we were growing up. A true reflection of the things I’d thought I’d done in secret.
    When we reached this street that would have led me home, He stopped and suddenly a path was laid out before me. And I suddenly realized that I couldn’t leave. I was catching glimpses of reflections of Myself throughout times, coming to me all so rapidly that I didn’t have time to hang on to any of them. I saw the linear path my life was set upon. and this “friend” was a reflection of the better part of me. I Immediately said, “Fuck that” and started to walk away from him. I’d seen him before, and his name was death. I realized that had I died at that moment, I would forever be tormented by the place that every one of my decisions landed me. And had I allowed myself to slip off that night, I would have found myself on my way to hell. he followed me back toward his house. and in my mind I pleaded with him, as if to say “please, stay away from me. I’m not ready. I’ll make the changes just give me time.”
    There are so many times I had sat and pondered death and the things it entailed. In fact, so many times that I often find myself not even in the present moment at all. I had always wanted to know what it felt like. what was that familiar secret was that we forget as a result of being born?
    Well here he was right in my face and I found myself completely unprepared for his arrival. I can only hope that the next time I see him, I’ll have gathered the spiritual stamina to tell him “sit down, I knew you were coming.” rather than, “oh myy, I really fucked up this time. I took and took, but never gave. I borrowed but I never returned. I was going to make the time but I was just so focused on…”


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    Jan 28th, 2019 1:40am report

    Baby sharks swimming in kool aid.

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