Cowboy Junkies: 'Cause Cheap Is How I Feel Meaning

1. anonymous

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   Feb 20th 2012 !⃝

   " 'Cause Cheap Is How I Feel" by The Cowboy Junkies
   
   It's the kinda night that's so cold when you spit
   
   it freezes before it hits the ground.
   
   And when a bum asks for a quarter, you give a dollar,
   
   if he's out tonight, he must be truly down.
   
   And I'm searchin' all the windows for a last minute present
   
   to prove to you what I said was real...
   
   For something small and frail and plastic, baby
   
   Cause cheap is how I feel.
   
   Most every man she has ever been with has made her feel inexpensive. One time she went to a Cowboy Junkies show at The Fine Line and she had to bring two cans of soup to get in. She wants those cans back. She's hungry. Against advice from "authority", she still gives "bums" money because she can't help it. She always says, "Don't buy drugs or booze. Get warm food." She also tells them about a homeless shelter she knows in their city. BUT if a bum is out on such a cold night, he needs support and help. He isn't faking his bummed status. She "gets" this as she is out and about "window shopping" on such a cold night as well. She and the bum are kindred spirits because they both are "truly down". She wants to buy a present for the man she is in Love with. She wants to prove to him that she meant everything she said to him.. But since he never shows up, she feels broken & empty inside. Hence, she wants to find him a throwaway toy because that's how he makes her feel.
   
   
   Half a moon in the sky tonight- not enough
   
   to come up with an answer
   
   to the question why is it that every time I see you
   
   my love grows a little stronger.
   
   But your memory leaves my stomach churning,
   
   feeling like a lie about to be revealed...
   
   But I hoard all this to myself,
   
   Cause cheap is how I feel.
   
   She can't explain why every single time they are together in person she feels more and more attached to him. Who can explain Love? But since he never comes around anymore she feels sick inside, as if her stomach is eating itself (and it might be). She "hoards" her feelings as in collects & protects them which causes her to lie to everyone and she says she is doing fine, thanks. She thinks that nobody would understand what she is going through ANYWAY, because she is the first one on earth to go through this exact & actual type of heartbreak. Since she can't reveal her truth and authenticate her feelings to ANY BODY OR SOUL on earth, she feels inauthentic, small, fragile & cheap. She feels broken and worthless & the man she Loves did this to her.
   
   
   (guitar solo)
   
   
   It's not the smell in here that gets to me, it's the lights-
   
   How I hate the shadows that they cast.
   
   And the sound of clinkin bottles is the one sure thing
   
   I'll always drag with me from my past.
   
   I think I'll find a pair of eyes tonight to fall into
   
   and maybe strike a deal:
   
   Your body for my soul- fair swap,
   
   Cause cheap is how I feel.
   
   The dank & putrid stench of urine & beer mixed with stale onions & jack daniels surely bothers her none. She was once a bouncer in a biker bar called The Dark Horse. She hung with the heaviest, orneriest, most decorated leather bastards in the city. She knows their smell & the whiff of a genuine bar when she sniffs it. She will ALWAYS remember the sound of clinkin bottles because when you have worked in bars in your past, the noises become your silence. The lights are what upset her... When she says the lights "cast shadows", what she means is they reveal the patrons scars, wounds, wrinkles and heartbreaks. It's a depressing scene as everyone looks for someone to take "home" at last call. Suddenly, through the smoky haze, she spies a small african american dwarf. He is sitting in the corner, in an attractive angle of repose, wearing a kindly expression. He watches her as she moves around the room. All of the other toothless drunkards are gaping at her and making her feel "wanted" as well. She feels a tug in her chest as she is drawn to the sprite. She knows, as her eyes lock with the "little person's", that there is hope to "strike a deal". She wants his body and he can have her "soul", FAIR SWAP. She says that he can have her soul because she already lost it loong ago. The man she is in Love with stole it from her & sold it, which has caused her to feel so cheap. She'll just take bodies now, because she has no Love to trade with anyone. She is a woman who needs to fill the emptiness in her soul with bizarre & meaningless sex with random men from the smelly bars she frequents.
   
   Quite a happy song, really.

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