Evanescence: All That I'm Living For Meaning
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All That I'm Living For Lyrics
all that I'm dying for
all that I can't ignore alone at night
I can feel the night beginning
separate me from the living
after all I've seen
piecing every thought together
find the words to make...
anonymous Oct 28th, 2007 10:23pm report
"All that I'm living for"
She's living for her work. For her writing.
"All that I'm dying for"
Inside, she's breaking under the pressure of everything. Her writings aren't just for her, but for the fans. She's got to make it good, but she's also got to make it for the people and make sure they like it. It's killing her.
"All that I can't ignore alone at night."
She can't ignore her feelings, or her thoughts when she's lying in bed in silence. Everything is so over whelming...
"I can feel the night beginning, separate me from the living."
she can feel sleep falling upon her and her dreams will take her into another world, separated from everything.
"Understand me, after all I've seen."
This just means she's felt and seen so much in her life, and she wants to show everyone and have them all understand her, but she feels that it's impossible because no one really knows hows she feels or how she sees the world through her own two eyes...
"Piecing every thought together, find the words to make me better"
I feel that this line is the one I can most relate to in this song. I love to write poetry because it's a great release. I don't talk a lot, so I put the thoughts and problems from my head onto paper. what she's talking about here is her writing and that she wants to make all her thoughts fit together perfectly, like in a song, and also find the words to heal her at the same time. but that can prove to be hard. writing can heal you, but if you have boundaries, you don't always get the release needed. I've learned that through writing rhyming poems. free verse is always better because you can say what you need to say without the feeling of being trapped between words...
"If I only knew how to pull myself apart."
Another great line... It means that she wants to open herself up and let out whatever is inside of her.
"I believe that dreams are sacred"
Here she's talking about her dreams being sacred because they all mean something. every dream can be interpreted.
"Take my darkest fears and play them, like a lullaby, like a reason why."
This is a very complicated line, in that it has to different meanings. for me anyways... my first meaning: she's talking about her dreams and how they take the deepest problems in her mind and play them before her.
my second interpretation: she's talking about her music and saying that she takes her deepest, darkest thoughts and turns them into a song(lullaby)and they all have a reason, a meaning that is hidden out of sight....
I think the second interpretation probably explains more, but I've always been confused on that part of the song.
"Like a play of my obsession, make me understand the lesson, so I'll find myself, so I won't be lost again."
Okay, the first line of this lyric probably fits in with the interpetation above. She's saying that the dreams or her music is a play of the things she feels and wants and thinks. And she wants to understand the meaning behind her pain and her dark feelings that have been haunting her. She feels as though she's been lost for a long time and that, that was her punishment for doing something wrong in her past. and if she understands why this stuff happens to her, she'll know how to find a way out. She'll know how to stay out of the dark hole she has been confined in for some time....
"Guess I thought i'd have to change the world, to make you see me, to be the one."
She's talking about people in general. She thought that she's have to do something amazing for people to start to notice her. To be the one that everyone paid attention to.
"I could have run forever, but how far would I have gone, without mourning your love."
I think here she is talking about her family which she cares deeply about.she couldn't run away from them. She loves them too much.
"Should it hurt to love you, should I feel like I do?"
have you ever hated yourself for loving someone?? I have, and that is what I think this line means. She feels attached. She can't go anywhere because of her family, but she knows that if she didn't love them, then she could get away from it all. She could run as fast as she could. but now, she's asking herself if it's right to be feeling that way. She doesn't want to feel pain from love, but she does. and she feels that she may be paranoid and that maybe it's not normal. which just makes it more and more difficult to decide on what to do...
"Should I lock the last open door, my ghost are gaining on me."
This is the most important line. What she's saying is this: there is one more door open in her life, and her inner demons are coming for her. If she closes that one door, she'll shut herself off from the world. If she leaves it open, everything she's been trying to run away from will catch up to her. now, she's questioning what to do. She's out of ideas and she's scared. Should she lock the last open door, or should she get comsumed by the ghosts that have been haunting her for so long...
she wanted more out of life than just what the people wanted from her.
Finally!! I'm done!! so....that's what I think this song means. but of course, no one can truly know. amy lee definetely had a deep meaning for this one, but that meaning is hidden by all the metaphors. She's very good at that. who knows, she could be insulting people and we could never know because she's so damn good at keeping her secret thoughts secret....
anonymous Oct 12th, 2012 10:44am report
I agree to some of the interpretations. I'm not going to interpret this 'cause it may mean different from different people but for somehow I can relate to this song. That's the beauty of music. Different people can relate to it in a different way. It doesn't matter what the real meaning is. I like most of their songs. Evanescence's lyrics are the most interesting of all!
anonymous Dec 7th, 2010 12:45pm report
Just my personal interpretation. and i just did the stuff i understood from personal experience :)
"All that i can't ignore at night"
at night your thoughts start to take over you
"I can feel the night beginning to separate me from the living"
at night when your thoughts start to take over, you begin to feel like you're separate from the rest of the world and no one understands you
"Understanding me, after all i've seen."
With all you've been through only the night can understand. Night kind of representing the "dark" or depression.
"Piecing every thought together, find the words to make me better"
Your mind (almost by itself) begins to try to figure itself out and can try to figure out why you're "in the dark"
"If i only knew, how to pull myself apart"
You like the dark and feel comfortable there so you don't want to figure everything out because then you'll have to leave.
"Although i've wanted more, lock the last open door my ghosts are gaining on me."
Your mind feels you've reveled too much about it already and you need to stop. the voices in your head that tell you this are the "ghosts" and they're winning.
"I believe that dreams are sacred. Take my darkest fears and play them. Like a lullaby, like a reason why."
Reveal things in my dreams
"Make me understand the lesson. So i'll find myself, so i wont be lost again."
You lost yourself in the dark and part of you wants to understand everything no matter what the "ghosts" tell you.
"Should i feel like i do?"
Wondering if you're crazy
anonymous Dec 7th, 2010 12:31pm report
adding to Diedra's, i think that it is about someone who does need to be punished, but i think that THEY feel they need to be punished, and are punishing themselves. Kinda the "bad part" or the ghosts in them that says to "lock the last open door" because they gave away too much.
I believe this song is an apology for the things she did. She made music with her sad emotions and that binds her. All that she sings lock her in a world that maybe doesn't represent her true self. Only at nights and when she is lone she touches the emotions which writes in her songs.
anonymous Sep 3rd, 2008 9:25am report
I believe it is a song about Amy and her struggle with mental demons. In the night when she is so allone she can't ignore some sad things of the world and her dissatisfaction her sadness. Together people are stronger lone they are more breakable.....
It is extremely unlikely that Amy had this in mind when she wrote these awesome lyrics, but it's just something else to think about when listening to this song. =) I have been reading allot of the Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles, so some of this may be esoteric and for that, I apologize. It refers to the relationship between Louis and Lestat
"All that I'm living for
~There comes a time in many people's lives when they question what their life's purpose is. For Louis, his life was at this point when he gave up mortality to become a Vampire.
"all that I'm dying for"
~The body dies when a person becomes a vampire, so his question then becomes 'what is my purpose in giving up mortality?'
"all that I can't ignore alone at night"
~The character Louis can never get away from (or ignore) the guilt of taking lives to survive. And, obviously, vampires are only out at night (and often alone)
"I can feel the night beginning
separate me from the living"
~Reminiscent of when Louis waits for the night. He is also waiting for Lestat to come make him into an immortal, undead, 'separated from the living'
after all I've seen
piecing every thought together
find the words to make me better"
~ In "Interview With The Vampire" Louis tells his 200 year old story to a mortal man who records it
"if I only knew how to pull myself apart"
~ Louis longs for death, even as an immortal, but is reluctant to end his own life
"all that I'm wanted for
although I wanted more"
~ Lestat made Louis a vampire because he was lonely and wanted a companion, though Louis came to loath him and search for a different mentor
"lock the last open door- my ghosts are gaining on me"
~Louis fears that one day he will have to pay for all of the murders he has committed
"I believe that dreams are sacred
take my darkest fears and play them
like a lullaby
like a reason why
like a play of my obsessions
make me understand the lesson
so I'll find myself
so I won't be lost again"
~ Louis hopes to gain some redemption by telling his story to a mortal man in the hopes that others may learn to be careful what they wish for. (stupid, I know, but I am sleepy.lol)
"Guess I thought I'd have to change the world
to make you see me
to be the one"
~ Louis broke a vampire law by exposing himself to mortals through the book that was published from his interview, therefore causing a great stir in the vampire world. He also longed to be seen as an equal to Lestat.
"I could have run forever
but how for would I have come
without mourning your love?"
~ Louis tried to get far away from Lestat, Although he still admitted he was in love with him.
"should it hurt to love you?
should I feel like I do?"
~ Louis is in pain because he loves Lestat but hates to see him taking so many chances.
I believe that maybe the song is supposed to be that one smack in the face 'oh my god' song. I mean, I guess it's about just stepping back and really evaluating who you are and where your life should be. Maybe you need to switch some things up because you're life cycle (daily habits and such) is too repetitive. Maybe they want to dig deeper and find more but they (being, you or me or whoever) don't know how because they feel like if they do then they're exposed and their whole way of living is just trashed because they have to start over and go new....and maybe that scares them.
anonymous Oct 29th, 2007 10:12pm report
This song is basically telling everyone about how there is that certain song that explains what you are going through at the moment or what your life seems to be based on. "I can feel the night beginning, seperate me from the living." is saying that we hide ourselfs away from the world just to listen to the song. "understanding me, after all I've seen. piecing every thought together, find the words to make me better" is saying how it's suprising and uplifting to us how a certain artist may understand what you are going through even though you feel like you are the only one. "if I only knew, how to pull myself apart." could mean many things, for example: it could mean how some people wish they could explain themselves through words and songs but they can't;
"take my darkest fears and play them, like a lullaby, like a reason why. like a play of my obsession, make me understand the lesson. So I find myself, so I won't be lost again." I think this part of the song is the most touching. Its basically saying how we listen to the song over and over again to understand what we are going through and to try and learn from our mistakes so we won't make them again.
"guess I thought i'd have to change the world to make you see me. To be your one." my point of view it probably means that we would have never thought that an artist could write a song about how we feel even though they have never met us.
(this interpretation is of my view of the song, not the artists)
anonymous Sep 25th, 2007 9:02pm report
As much as Evanescence fans don't want to hear it, I really believe it's about Amy's dissatisfaction with Evanescence. She's even said that what she'd really like to be doing is composing, like writing movie scores and such. I think sometimes in this song she gets away with telling her fans off in a way. I love Amy and the stuff she comes up with, but honestly, there's only so much a person can do when their heart is not in it anymore. "If I only knew how to pull myself apart" it's almost as if her moments of great inspiration are torture to her because it keeps her in a life she doesn't want. If she runs out of ideas then maybe she can leave..but I don't think she could bring herself to fake it. She'll be in it until her well runs dry....even if it's killing her.
anonymous Aug 31st, 2007 8:19pm report
Person two above me? It's
"All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore
Alone at night." Not 'so late at night' xD
And I read what some of you say, but to me it's always been about breaking up with someone you thought didn't love you as much as you loved them and later to find out they loved you all along and now you're regretting it... Just to me, since that's what was going on in my life when I bought the album, lol.
Ummm, but it's been that one lyric... Towards the end...
"Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me. To be the one, I could have run forever, but how far would I have come without mourning your love?"
Because to change the world... Is to change your own world, and if it means to break up with someone, that would change things quite a bit.
And if breaking up with someone is what you have to do to have them realize they love you and whatnot.
AAAnnnnnd how they could have run from their feelings for their ex forever, but then realizing they still love them...
xD That's just my opinion. :P
This interpretation has been marked as poor. view anyway
This song is a story of how one can be punished for their wrongdoings: 'lock the last open door my ghosts are gaining on me.' or even the fact that one can be punished so severely one feels the only way out of the punishment is their death: 'all that I'm living for all that I'm dying for all that I can't ignore so late at night.' perhaps amy has done something she is not proud of and this song is her release mechanism.
I think this song is pure regret. It's about someone who has made a lot of bad decisions and is finally being punished. you know, like a judgement day? it's knda like that person is trying to outrun the devil, if you know what I mean. for instance; the line: lock the last open door my ghosts are gaining on me. I relate to this song every day of my life, and am pretty sure I know what I'm talking about!
anonymous Dec 31st, 2006 12:11pm report
This song is about the band. How much Amy (and the others) love being a band. I think that the part:
"I can feel the night beginning, seperate me from the living";
Amy thinks of the band as "the living". She can't be with them 24/7, after all. When she's not with them, she feels like part of her is missing.
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