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Grammys 2022 : At Least Nobody Got Slapped This Time!

Posted Apr 6th, 01:52 by Penguin Pete

Coming one week after the Oscars, the 2022 Grammys had some small shoes to fill. After the infamous sissy slap-fight where two spoiled, overpaid actors brawled like a couple of sidewalk pimps, the Grammys did what they could to restore dignity to the awards industry.

At the same time… Grammy-winning artists have about as much sway with music audiences as Oscar-winning actors do with movie audiences. Modern listeners would rather discover cool indie bands on Spotify, disregarding awards altogether. Also, the Grammys have found themselves in a similar function to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, recognizing outstanding artists years and even decades after they've earned it.

But we're a music blog, and the annual Grammys are something we're obliged to cover. So come with us on a red carpet safari as we spill the tea on the latest hot music celebrity dishes! Look to other music blogs to painstakingly list every little nomination. We're just here for the Grammy award background, whose bright golden gramophone design makes celebrities occasionally look like something's growing out of their head.

 

Were they worried that Kanye West would pull a Will Smith?

OK, officially, sources such as Harper's Buzzard (oops, Bazaar) have this story: "The news comes after The Recording Academy banned West due to his recent social media attacks on Kardashian, Davidson, and TV host Trevor Noah."

Yes, but the West household says (same article) "Amid the controversy surrounding his social media behavior, the rapper reportedly decided to retreat from the spotlight and focus on his health and family." Maybe he even offered an olive branch to Kim Kardashian and her snugglebunny, Pete Davidson? That much is suggested too.

Wait, is this the feud we heard about a while back, about "an animated clay version of the comedian that West kidnapped, tied up, decapitated, and buried it alive."? Yes, that snit. They've been going back and forth for years like little sisters fighting over which imaginary stuffed animal can sit at their pretend tea party.

So I guess the Grammys are just proactively clamping down on celebrity feuds. Good.

And why not? Why shouldn't we acknowledge that the COVID pandemic and a brooding WWIII can get on anybody's nerves. Celebrities can go stir-crazy too. If two of the coworkers at your office started coming to sissy-slaps when you';re standing in line at the copier, you'd move in to break it up too, wouldn't you?

 

The Foo Fighters won a sweep of awards

The Foo Fighters, naturally, were trending on social media recently due to the sad demise of drummer Taylor Hawkins. So it is noteworthy to mention that perhaps that event swayed Grammy judges' decision, but nobody can deny that the Foo Fighters deserve a pile of awards anyway for kicking so much ass. For those wondering as to Hawkins' fate, this story tells the gory details. But let's face it: at least he didn't go out like Kurt Cobain.

Bulletpoint Observations:

  • Trevor Noah had host duties at the Las Vegas venue, for the second time at the Grammys. He did crack the obligatory Will Smith joke, secure in the knowledge that the phantom slapper was not in the audience.

  • Jon Batiste took highest honors at 5 awards. He's a class act, a roots-jazz R&B performer with tons of sparkle. Here's his "Freedom" hit.

  • SZA and Doja Cat win for "Kiss Me More." Only the 2nd time 2 woman have won this award

  • Since she was such a big gas with you Internet people a while back, Olivia Rodrigo was honored. Here's "Driver's License," but honestly, you've heard it by now, right?

 

Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga appeal to us geezers

Yes, I just wrote that to make you feel old. Millennials (still milking their last reasonably frisky decade) thrilled at the antics of our dear Lady Gaga, while us #GenX and older seniors in the back row (teetering along on our walkers and canes by now) perked up briefly at the mention of Tony Bennett on his second Grammy.

On the whole, the event ran smoother than a gravy sandwich

I just have to ask, even as a long-time music blogger: Exactly how many more years will award ceremonies remain viable? At least the way they're done now. We're all too busy diving into the new music media standard online, with endless playlists by our friends to explore, and that makes us pay less attention to an industry founded on radios and turntables.

To their credit, old media is trying to catch up. Their heart's in the right place, without the stupid celebrity spats sucking up oxygen in the headlines.

Let's put it this way: Andy Warhol predicted "In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes." What we didn't take into account is, that applies to jerks too.

 

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